


Entwined we burn

by NandaWrites



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Forbidden Love, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Curse, Parabatai Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 08:17:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13119774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NandaWrites/pseuds/NandaWrites
Summary: And Jace might have been able to take the fall, to accept the ruin and the punishment, but he would never, ever, let anything happen to him.





	Entwined we burn

**Author's Note:**

> Special Jalec Secret Santa gift for Alyssa! Very happy holidays and an amazing New Year for you and also for everyone else at the [jalecsquad](https://jalecsquad.tumblr.com/)! Thank you all so much for organising this and I hope you enjoy this small contribution of mine.
> 
> Let's all always remember to spread love, and not hate!

Jace knew he couldn't keep his head down. During the long hours of meetings and debriefings and post mission reports, he had to keep his eyes up, had to keep talking, keep all his focus on the plans and discussions at hand. If he looked away, if he turned his head, if he moved in his place, let the mask drop even for a second, then they surely would know.

He wasn’t exactly sure how, but he knew they would, just like his father had known every time he had done something wrong, every time he had cared too much, every time he had tried to keep silent. And Jace might have been able to take the fall, to accept the ruin and the punishment, but he would never, ever, let anything happen to _him_.

His Alec, he sat at the head of the table, he stood tall on the platform looking over them all, and Jace was the only one that knew how much he truly hated that. Still, he did his job without faltering, kept his facade up for the sake of all the others, his eyes never betraying anything. He was so much better at this than Jace.

He trusted Alec to keep calm and collected, to face all of them with unwavering eyes that hid a million lies and come out of it on the other side unscathed, but he didn’t trust his own eyes, that always seemed to betray him. He didn’t trust himself not to ruin them. So, he made sure they looked only where he wanted them to, only where he lead them, away from his eyes, away from his true self, and more and more into the persona he had carved for himself since he was young: loud, sarcastic, arrogant, reckless, carefree, _fake_.

It was almost comical, if he ever stopped to think about it (but he didn’t, he couldn’t, or the guilt would consume him). Alec was the honest one out of the two of them, the one that couldn’t keep a secret, the one everyone always turned to to hear the ugly truth. Jace was the deceitful one, the rule breaker, the suspect. That was how everyone believed them to be. And yet, Alec had been keeping secrets from them all his life - his sexuality, his feelings, and now this - and no one had ever had a clue, not even Jace, sometimes. There was no sign of it in his eyes. Even if it ripped him on the inside, even if he broke down later when they were alone, he never let it show. It was just one more way in which he was stronger than Jace.

He rubbed at the corner of his eye, that was itching from staring at the computer screen for so long, but kept going. It was his duty and his honour, as Alec’s parabatai, to sit beside him on meetings, to be his second in command, to help him as he could, and it was his nature to burn himself to make sure everything went perfectly, that others were ok. Now that he had so much more at risk, so much more to prove himself for, he couldn’t rest, he couldn’t relax, he couldn’t stop for one second.

His eye burned again and he looked at the clock, startled when he noticed it was past 4 am. It was hard to tell the passage of time in the operations room, since it was always bustling with people, even more so at night when demons were active, but this meant both of them had been up for over 24 hours now. On the monitor next to him, Alec kept focused, analyzing the details of the last report they had received, but Jace could see he was blinking slower than usual, his shoulders slumped and mouth rigid.

It wasn’t a very hard decision to stretch out and pat Alec’s shoulder, hand resting there to steady as much as draw his attention. Alec startled slightly, then looked up at him, rubbing his hands on his face as he mumbled a garbled “What is it?” and Jace’s thumb caressed him slightly as he smiled.

“You are 2 seconds away from falling off your chair and sleeping on the floor. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Alec seemed like he wanted to argue, but Jace reminding him he would just redo tomorrow any work he did now got him to move. He held on to Alec’s waist, holding him up like he would a drunk friend and laughing when the other pushed him away and said he wasn’t an invalid. No one even batted an eye at them.

It was another one of Jace’s tactics of hiding in plain sight. He was constantly touching Alec, patting his back, ruffling his hair, passing an arm around his shoulders, hugging. It was natural for parabatai to be close, to share looks and touches, and if Jace made sure they saw them looking often enough when he wanted them too, then no one would even pay attention when he didn’t, for so used they already were to it. Hiding by showing, he was a master of that.

To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed, but only if others found out about said love. No one, not even Valentine or the Clave, could destroy something they didn’t know existed. It was the truth Jace had to believe in, to which he clung to with all his might when his father’s voice came back to whisper in his ears in the dark of nights. If it was in his fate to destroy, then this, only this, would be the one thing he would destroy everything else to protect.

Because when Alec looked at him, he didn’t feel so hopeless. Because when they kissed was the only time he felt like he could breathe right. Because Alec’s touches on his skin were the only thing that could make him feel clean, and only when he was inside him did he feel whole. Because Alec’s smile was his reason to live.

The Clave says it’s wrong, but Jace has never felt more right than when he is alone in bed with Alec, trading breaths against his lips, touching and kissing every inch of each other’s bodies, burning, burning, even brighter and stronger than heavily fire, and then simply lying side by side, legs entwined, talking about everything and nothing, laughing, pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist and no one can take this away from them.

But that is a lie, built from glass and anchored in sand, growing more and more fragile every day, its walls closing in around them, as ruthless and uncaring as time, as the Angel that is their reason to exist, and as the Council that would pass their judgement if they ever were to find out.

It was a matter of time until they would have to make a decision, to force themselves away from each other or to turn their backs onto all that they were and all whom they loved. But how could they decide between two options that were sure to kill a part of them forever? It was impossible, both paths leading to a life worse than death, so much they couldn’t even think about it. So they didn’t. At least, they tried not to.

They reached the corridor of Alec’s room, away from the eyes and ears of others, and only then did Jace once again put his hand on Alec’s back in a small caress, the corner of his lips tilting up when the other bent to the side and leaned his head on his shoulder, eyes closing from exhaustion and trusting Jace to hold him and guide him.

“Stay tonight,” Alec murmured, and it was a request that almost sounded like a question, his parabatai never wanting to impose any of his own desires on others, as if there was any chance on any universe that Jace would ever tell him no.

He knew it was a path that would lead to their demise, that would eventually burn them up to ashes one way or another, but Jace realized in that moment that whatever choices they might have, it wasn’t really any choice at all. For him, there was only one path.

“Always,” he replied, closing the door to Alec’s bedroom behind them and pulling him in to a kiss.

_Always._


End file.
